24 hours is just not enough! How can one successfully fit classes, lab sessions, tutorials, private study, rest and a serious relationship (or a search for one) into 24 hours? Almost impossible, hence a physiological adaptation; nocturnality. You gotta come alive in the night time!
Sadly though, most of us night fappers tend to get it wrong. We end up deceiving ourselves and getting nothing done. No thanks to the LIES we tell ourselves. If we can work on them, our nocturnal hustle may begin to pay off.
Study group… They said they were going to read…
Lie Number 1. I’m going to read: This is the lie that starts it all, and the biggest one. You tell yourself, your roommates, your friends and every person you meet on the way you’re going to fap, but you end up not doing that. Most people who say they’re going to read end up going to sleep, play with their phones, set p, smoke weed, or make noise.
Lie number 2. I will wake up when I sleep: Yeah, you plan to get there and take a little nap, wake up and start reading. You put your head down for your supposed 15 minute meditation. You wake up and start heading for your hostel; it’s 6 O’clock. You napped for 6 hours
If I hear say these ones wake up
Lie Number 3. I’m with all I need: So you think, until you get there and discover you’ve forgotten your pen (which is lucky) or the textbook you planned to read (which is sad).
Lie Number 4. I will go alone: That’s your plan but there’re other plans too. You’re leaving and your roomies ask “O boy, where you dey go?”. Lying to them would be justified, but you say the truth(which is lie number 1) and voila: they’re going with you. You’ve got company, and they will distract you.
5. I will cover everything tonight: I’m singing Superman theme song for you. You’re neither Clark Kent nor Kyle XY and you’re hoping to cover 13 topics in 7 courses in one night. This lie is very common during exam and test/in-course period when those faithfully waiting for the eleventh hour finally decide to fall in line. You’ll see them heading to the venue with six textbooks and three notes when daybreak is just four hours away!
synchronized crashing… They must be dating
Lie number 6. I won’t mind my friends(especially the girls): Cool story. Get there first, and meet that noisemaker with gist you need, or see your crush sitting in a corner looking like she needs someone to talk to. You’ll forget you came with books.
Lie Number 7. I won’t be tired in the morning: Hahaha! I just have to laugh at this lie! You want to fap from 12 to 7 and still attend an 8 O’clock class? I see you nodding the devil in class. Tell your self this lie regularly, and your nickname would just be DOZiE.
Dozing off after an hectic night…
Lie Number 8. Drugs will keep me awake: These include coffee, alcohol, energy drinks, weed etc. I don’t think they do much good, though I know they do more damage. They have very dire side effects and could adversely affect your academic life. Your best bet would be to save your money and your nervous system and get enough rest.
Lie number 9. I’m insomniac: Maybe you’re really insomniac. You can’t sleep when there’s a pretty girl online whose p you must set. Sleep evades you when there’s an interesting tag trending on Twitter. You stay awake all night when you and your roommates manage to find a laptop that plays Fifa 14 and good pads. But, the moment you carry your books to read, insomnia is healed… Hallelujah!
Lie Number 10. I only read at night: This one has many derivatives including “I assimilate better at night”, “I’m nocturnal”, “I come alive in the night time”, etc. All are lies. Truth is, you simply can’t plan your day.
Tell yourself the truth for once; you’ve been doing it wrong all along. Now try to start doing it right. Self deception is EVIL, especially where it concerns your academic success. Stop lying and start fapping!
Clemency Green (pseudonym) is an award winning poet, a story teller, and a freelance journalist. He has a passion for medicine, poetry, writing and everything creative. He co-founded and runs the Medigist Journal with a view to showcase and spur creativity in medical students.
LET US KNOW: Have you told yourself one or more of these lies highlighted above? Are there other lies you know and would like to share? We’d really appreciate your comments.
Thanks for reading!